Why facing Human Extinction is lamer than James Franco

Now don't get me wrong fella's. Franco is a decent man with a plan. But human extinction is worse isn't it? I mean comparing the wiping out of us little apes has got to be worse than some shabby dude with a beard right?

Scientists state that we are already f**ked. I mean they don't say it that explicitly (heaven forbid), but our little bunch of enlightened apes do state that we are on a worse track than Franco. ' The earth is undergoing its 6th extinction' .... "Unless we do something about it". Being such a smart bunch, they never pick a side because less enlightened apes like us can never understand besides passing nervous frowns and singing "We Shall Overcome". And of course the scientist need funding don't they. You can't have funds if you have nothing good to share.



On a more serious note, we are very much screwed. Even James Franco. Our rivers are drying up. Daily temperatures are fluctuating more than the oil prices. The income gap widens. Sex has increased ( I mean how do you explain the growing number of smaller annoying thingies). Resources are being gobbled up faster than a hyperactive child getting his next hit of chocolate. More small annoying thingies are dying. Some plant and animal species are jumping from endangered to extinct. 

"Scientists have shown that the Sun's slow expansion will cause the temperature at the surface of the Earth to rise.
 Oceans will evaporate, and the atmosphere will become laden with water vapour, which (like carbon dioxide) is a very effective greenhouse gas.
 Eventually, the oceans will boil dry and the water vapour will escape into space. In a billion years from now the Earth will be a very hot, dry and uninhabitable ball."

Kinda brightens the entire mood doesn't. Mind you I didn't mention global warming. As it is definitely a hoax. ( heavy dose of sarcasm) I think when Trump heard ' Sir, the ice is melting' he must have thought it was the ice he put in his pina colada drink. Of course, calling 'Global Warming' a 'Chinese' made theory would have surely assuaged any lingering fears as 'Chinese made things' generally don't last that long do they. ( I love you China. Peace)

If we unveil a little of our history, over a million years ago our 'enlightened apes' thought the Earth was the centre of our Universe. I mean everything revolved around it right? This reasonable theory led us to believe the earth was a sweet planet. It was gentle and kind and caring. It nurtured the small and the big, the weak and the strong. It had daisies in her hair, daffodils in her hand and deers and squirrels doing the weekly spring cleaning. They thought Earth controlled the rest of the heavens and they were safe. Clearly the dinosaurs thought this as well. Endless food, chicks to romp, long runs in the setting sun. Life was good and then the meteor hit. Sadly the dinosaurs didn't realise that the Earth was no Snow White. Rather it was her evil stepmother with a bad case of balding.

The meteor for the humans arrived in the body of a young punk named Copernicus who said "For your information, we are not in the centre of the Universe.''
Now usually old men don't take well to young punks but then Copernicus allegedly proved the Sun is in the centre and we live in a heliocentric system. This was literal meteor, a slap in the face for the established race of distinguished white collared apes. They realised that we, as a planet were affected by the Sun, the Moon, the stars. We were just another side chick for the nasty little Helios in the centre. 

And then we started the Industrial Revolution. Yay.

"Life on Earth will have disappeared long before 7.6 billion years," says Smith, an astrophysicist at the University Of Sussex. 

When scientists (now) say we are undergoing the sixth extinction it logically means mother Earth had five previous attempts at plastic surgery. But as we all scoff at the celebrities who have undergone attempts to beautify themselves, we should be aware that Earth wants her sixth go at this tomfoolery. 

 The five attempts go in this order:

1. Ordovician-Silurian: This was apparently the third largest extinction (although how they measured it with the tiny rulers still mystifies me). This extinction mainly affected life in the sea as at that time life was in the sea, you doofus.

2.Late Devonian: The best name by far and also perhaps the most deadly it killed 75% of the existing species in full Rambo style. It also loved hammering the seas greatly affecting coral life for millions of years.

3. Permian: The evil stepbrother of Parmesan cheese. While the cheese edition makes us die for a taste of it, the Permian goes in full blazing glory killing 96% of the existing species while the remaining 4% wee-weed in their undies. Sadly we are all related to this undies gang.

4.Triassic-Jurassic: This along with the 5th mass wipeout event is likely the most popular as it killed out our favourite pets: dinosaurs. Causes are widely argued but I'm a particular fan of the asteroid/meteor theory as it goes so well with a meme.

     


5. Cretaceous-Tertiary: Also called K-T extinction, it is the man Nike wanted to sign up before they went to his more harmless brother called KD. In a fit of rage, it killed more dinosaurs, as well as truck-load of other species.

And right now we are in the sixth extinction. According to a paper done by..you guessed it..enlightened apes.. published in 1982 we are in the Holocene Extinction. At it gets better. The extinction rate since 1900 is 1000 times more than the extinction rate before 1900.

Such numbers would look good if we are talking about profits for a company. 1000 times more profit....great news. 1000 more times more deaths of the adjacent flora and fauna doesn't feel too good. Stephen Hawking said we need to leave Earth as soon as possible. He was an optimist as well but I think until this year he decides there's nothing we could do. And so he left earth, although probably not in the exact manner he hoped it would be. R.I.P.

Can we outdo our own monster tho? 

Companies are coming together thinking of better technologies. Efficiency is the name of the game now. Even Franco is being a better advocate. But that's the thing...it is easy to advocate..but it is hard to follow. What we need is a very drastic change. Emissions have to be cut down faster than the trees in Amazon. World peace should not be a want but a need. Our resource usage should not be unsustainable. And for god's sake put some clothes on. Don't forget the condoms.

We owe it. To our future, to James Franco, to our kids ( if we live to have any), to our world. Our Mother Earth is not going to turn her heating and cooling system off. But we can delay her.

We probably can't do it but we have to try. Ultron tried to kill us but we had that Avengers. And I don't want to die hearing some beetroot dude with a very expensive taste for bad jewellery and facial care products, called Thanos, saying " I TOLD YOU SO!". Ha bunch of wimps.